Kids Won’t Change You…

arguing kid

True or false? That is a good question that I’ve been asking myself for a couple days. I guess both answers are right. Having kids did change me, a lot. Daily routine has clearly gone through many stages, priorities have changed, values have been enhanced. But deep down, have I changed? I think the answer is no. I managed to put some more shadows on my flaws and try to enlighten my best skills, but the truth is I didn’t change much. Something to be ashamed or proud of? It depends.

My oldest son will turn four this summer. You know what they say about the four, right? Well, he had a terrible two and he’s now getting in his F four! 😉 This period is a normal stage in a kid’s development. It’s a period during which the child tries to assert itself. For my son, it mainly consists of arguing for everything and anything we – the authority – say. When he doesn’t argue, he’s throwing his imaginary Spiderman webs at us or grumble at us with his lion kind of shouts! Yeah, I know, it can seem funny… But it really isn’t when you have to deal with this attitude every single day.

And guess what? I have total impatience towards impoliteness. I just can’t stand it. The fact I know my son is going through a normal stage of his development doesn’t bring more patience to me, unfortunately. I would love to have more, trust me. But the truth is, kids don’t change who you really are. I would like the perfect mom to get into me and patiently explains my son that this is an unacceptable attitude. I would like that perfect mom to also react conveniently and gently put him in the naughty spot until he calms down. The truth is, I was not perfect before turning a mom. I surely am not now! Motherhood doesn’t come with the perfect gene. 😉 I’m not proud to be impatient though.

 

What to Do?

I think there are only three proper reactions to that:

 

1- Acceptation

Accept you are not perfect and will never be. Easier said than done. When I lose patience with my sons (meaning I speak louder than I should), I always feel guilty afterward, always. I am working on accepting I made mistakes and will make some more again!

 

2- Say Sorry

Be humble. Admit you made a mistake. Say your kids you’re sorry. Use yourself as an example of what NOT to do. You just can’t erase mistakes you made. Might as well use them as a lesson! 😉

 

3- Use Tools

Saying sorry won’t make any difference if you keep on doing the same mistakes over and over again. Accepting you’re not perfect doesn’t mean you’re right either. Talk with other parents, read, go search out for more tools in order to control what you don’t like. Allow yourself some time out to breathe and organize your thoughts into what is the right thing to do or say before you get into action. This, again, is easier said than done. But it is worth trying.

 

I don’t think I will ever be an example of true patience. Having kids might not bring that virtue for free, but I can work on it. Deciding to change is a lot more powerful than counting on others to do so. Kids won’t change you, but you can change for your kids. 😉

 

What do you think? Do your kids change who you really are?

 

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